Changes

Its funny how things change in a blink of an eye. Green light goes red. Crash. Fireworks get lit. Boom. Salaries get spent. Debt. Conversations turn to silence. Goodbye. 

How much heartbreak can one person take. Furthermore, how much heartbreak can one mend. 

They say the three most painful things in life are divorce, moving and death. Basically, change and separation. 

For about a week now, I seem to have found that a good place for distraction are shopping centres and cloth stores. I guess people already knew this but I was reluctant to walk down the street or simply sit penseive in a square because of the cold. Also, bars were out of the question because I would quickly develop a drinking habit. Although I'm drinking from the bottle this instant and half of it is gone. 

Shopping centres tend to deliver the most mindnumbing selection of music to keep you calm and emotionally stable. I just sat in the changing room unable to get myself from my sight. I feel less like I want to cry when I'm puckered down against the mirror sitting in the changing room just looking at my own reflection. It seems as if being with myself is more fulfilling there.  Theres not only one, but four. 

I got you a pair of gloves. The ones you always wanted, with the tips cut off. 

I saw you today. For a moment. Just leaning against the wall, smoking, and that yellow sweater I really like. I panicked and ran, literally. I don't know why. I simply ran away, and didn't stop until I was in a store looking at the differences between pure cotton and merino wool. 

I used to be able to take everything that would come my way. I thought I was invincible. It mustve been the age. Now I find myself aching more than ever. I never knew you could suffer multiple heart breaks at once. For your life's work, for your parents and for the mother of your children. I guess I did know it was possible just truly never imagined it. Guess it's like getting fired the same day everyone dies at your wedding. Or something like that. Not to probable, but possible. I guess I thought things couldn't get more painful. More than these lat few years. I'm always the one saying things could always be worse. Its funny how things can change in the blink of an eye. But I guess it's never to late to make it stop hurting.