NEVER AS YOUNG AS TONIGHT
As Rant Casey once said, the future you have today is not the same you'll have tomorrow. So, for whatever tomorrow inspires me to write, I'll live today.
Here's just an outlet of somesort where my keyboard can open up the world I see, for those who care to adventure in it.
An ongoing bilingual portfolio of somesort, seeking for guidance suggestions as well as publishing and publicity.
3/11/08
3 de Noviembre
Si el 3 tuviera vida, se apoderaria de la mia. Aunque no va mal encaminado en marcar una pauta...
[3 susurros...3 sonrisas]
[3 suspiros...3 gritos]
[3 te quieros...que te digo con la mirada]
[3 miradas...3 dias]
[3 atardeceres que he visto a tu lado...3 sentimientos que afloran sin pensarlo]
[3 semanas que paso sin besarte...3 mesas detras de ti]
···3 palabras que decirte...
~I love you~
todos y cada uno, son los segundos que eternizas en mi recuerdo
2/11/08
Unnecessary life forms
Sometimes you can’t help think, what it’s worth. If beating me down, into the ground, will have some reward. So you fall onto your knees and you scream a silent scream into the wind
As much as you pray, time won’t go away. A never ending motion, to all that is tasteless and useless. Overwhelming your life.
A life which is a lie, created from scratch, American T.V series and films. You wish you had a life, but remain with an illusion of that what you desire. Pure steel tainted gold with imagination and a sharp tongue.
Rain drops fall like angels tears, drowning small hopes of those who can’t look up to themselves. You think of another world. Another dream. You can’t face reality because you can’t do anything with your own. You scream.
You push the button in the office. Milk or Sugar? Life doesn’t go beyond that. It’s ability. A gift. To avoid living life like you.
The more they let you have the more you need. You don’t give a shit if your Grandma has a Gramola; you haven’t had enough in you life to appreciate the small things.
You used to know how to stare at sun light. Now you don’t even now how to open your eyes and you’re stuck in a permanent darkness. Where no one is, but you.
A blanket society covers your inspiration, blinding your tongue, deafening your eyes and censuring your eyes. Unfaithful to your own creativity. You used to stand for something. Now you’re on your hands and knees dig and saying ‘Please, please return my principles’
You try to enjoy a drive-in movie. You used to savour the colours, the people, and the screen. Now you find you can’t look out through your window. You are holding hands with the steering wheel, while the popcorn bucket keeps you company in the passenger seat.
Life used to mean something to you. Before you found yourself like this. Before life turned green. Before you couldn’t live without a T.V screen. Before you succumbed to greed
Nine Inches Under Bare Skin
Ethics has vanished, self-control has been banished, and decency has been ravished. Inside of me remains a dark cave, full of candle lit walls, who have cried onto the floor tears of white wax. Every word I mention, whispers underneath an accomplice. A lustful synonym, that escapes beneath my breath. Compassion is not a companion of the caresses that I seek. Fury, anger, sin, pain, desire…are sweet embers I seek.
.
My heart lies perishing on the marble floor awaiting the final blow. The caverns light hushes off as the single mended bone, left in my body, keeps aside the life source of my existence.
‘Help me!!’ it cries.
Desire pours out of me, into the night. I know there is only one thing that works for me. Nightfall cloaks the shadow that approaches my dignity, as a bellowing cry fills the air.
‘Bring me my cure!’
There is no second opinion in this matter. I need to get a hold of your soul. I cannot control my own. My annihilation depends on it. My whole existence has gone. You can have my isolation. You can have my absence of faith. You can have my envy, my greed. You can have my silence. You can have my oppression and the hate that it brings. You can have my everything.
‘Just, take me closer to God’
I tear down my reason as tears slide down my cheek. I can’t keep it in. I don’t want to. The only thing that can get me better is you.
Pain rushes through me, while passion gushes out. You make me perfect, as I try not to think of somebody else. But that is what I want. You tie me down, forcing on me your penetrating eyes…and fingers. It’s your sex I can smell. It’s what makes me want to desire. I want to violate you. I want to complicate you. I want to feel you from the inside, until I understand; why you’re the reason I’m alive.
Through the forests, among the trees. Across the ocean, beneath the seas. I listen to snow flakes or the rustling leaves. Searching, always, for the sweet honey; between and just above your knees.
28/10/08
A Mountain Cabin View
Si una vez hubiera una cabaña, sobre un manto dorado de espigas frescas, que se tornan del brillo del atardecer. Atrapando el viento entre sus hojas. Dejando volar el olor de la tierra cobriza que emana de sus raices, circundando los campos que acogen mi hogar.
Si pudiera haber una cabaña que creciese bajo las palmeras cocoteras y al incio de la sedosa arena en la que hundo los pies. Justo antes de sentir aquel liquido turquesa, que juega moviendose por voluntad propia, como si se escondiera del horizonte hasta que se extiende.
Sabria decir, donde se halla mi corazon.
Envuelto bajo las sabanas inmaculas de una noche de otoño. Sintiendo a la Luna velar por mi, mientras les devuelvo la mirada a mil ojos que me observan, giñandome un centello de complicidad. Posado sobre el ventanal, traslucido por el que la brisa sopla fuerte rennovando mi espiritu. Mi alma.
Encerrado entre cuatro paredes de madera tostada. Leños tallados. Grabados sobre los cuales se hallan inscripciones familiares que acogen a mi orbe de fuego. Mi corazon. Que desborda de gratitud y de felicidad. Por encontrarse refugiado, en mi cabaña. En el nuevo hogar de mi corazon.
26/10/08
Alexandrias Beacon: Excerpt
Adversity.
May it lay steady in the dark 'til the beacon of Babylon has faded by the overpowering life that will withstand its nature. Waiting in silence, for his merry festival to awaken him.
'Adversity, sweet prince...' whispered Enae delicately
Tears that once comforted the soul of man, shall quiver in the glint of the childrens’ eyes. For thy shall come to restore what had been so unfairly famined and ravished.
'Adversity, my princess, shall come' retorted Hector
Life shall find it's balance, once the god struck Tree of Life, withers, only to be noticed. Only for us to care.
21/10/08
Jewish Democracy
If you wondered who I have voted for, now you know.
Yes, there is such a thing as Democrats Abroad.
Key word here is Democrats, it comes from Democracy, like when you protest, because you remembered that your generation was lied about
the "Domino Theory". I wonder if Senator McCain(God bless him), thinks about it , when someone has to help him to put on a jacket.
Democracy, that should also govern your household, like when you dont force your teenage daughter to marry, just because it would hurt your
political campaign, but instead, admit that it was your own fault that she did not learn about safe sex.
Democracy, which means that you dont have to be of a certain race,creed or national origen to make a difference within the geographical space
that you share with other human beings.
Democracy, which means that you have the right and the DUTY to vote for the best man, to lead the political life of the country that you are a citizen of
and to pray that we dont have to be ashamed any more of who is in charge back home.
http://http://www.britannica.com/EBchecked/topic/168794/domino-theory
16/10/08
Es la una de la mañana...
Te estrecho junto a mi cuerpo y te aparto el pelo, delicadamente con la mano. Me devuelves una pequeña sonrisa.
El olor del aire es familiar, casi nostalgico.Tu aroma me envuelve y reconforta mientras me pierdo en tus ojos.
Me acerco a besarte. Es lo que más he deseado todo el dia.
Cierro los ojos y nuestros labios al fin se unen...
Antes de que pueda reencontrarme con tu mirada y saborear el beso, me despierto.
Frente a mi, un cojin viejo al que rodeo con mis brazos.En mis labios perdura el sabor de las finas fibras de mi almohada.
-'Te extraño' susurro, para el viento
Cierro los ojos y te imagino
...y es que me vuelvo hacia mi almohada y te sueño.
Y me doy cuenta de lo mucho que te quiero.
27/9/08
A City Boy´s Chronicles (A bilingual narration)
Como decía Fernando Arrabal “escribir se compone de la pluma, el cual se impregna de imaginación; de tinta, llena de recuerdos; y el arte de combinar”. Mi papel es mi rincón secreto, mi hora privada, mi tierra natal. Mi tinta, mis recuerdos; mi imaginación, volcada en mi pluma. Los recuerdos están llenos de conocimiento y de memoria en si. La castración de mis límites en un pasado cercano, ha logrado incapacitar a los sentimientos del demonio tras el escritor que siente miedo de romper con los parámetros establecidos.
Con este don puedo moldear mis recuerdos a mi antojo y haciendo uso del arte de combinar, usar la inventiva agraciada. Una constante de mis memorias son los libros, ideas que han fluido de la mente de soñadores y pensadores, hasta la mía. Como torrentes de agua vertidas sobre papel, tales ideas no han llegado a absorberse por completo. T. S. Eliot, Dickens, Dostoievsky, Shaw, Shakespeare, Melville, Marlowe…Tertulianos, joviales que brincan de alegría con nuevas ideas, perduran en mi mente susurrándome al oído mientras busco mi razón entre las estrellas, mientras busco mi existencia entre las moléculas de las cascadas y sollozo entre nubes por no poder encontrar mi tinta.
Mi más lejano recuerdo es, aquel mas preciado, los cuentos narrados de mi madre. Todos los damos por sentidos cuando ya hemos crecido, pero son aquellas historias que nuestros padres crean en nuestra burbuja de aire, los que asientan nuestras miras y nuestra personalidad. No tanto la historietas grabadas en mi memoria fueron la inspiración de mis Tertulianos, los cuales ahora me inspiran a mi.
A los seis años ya leía a Longfellow, Neville…viajaba con Quatermaine y el Capitán Nemo…En aquel entonces los escasos Tertulianos residentes ayudaban a Holmes y a Watson lo cual causaba gran revuelo crítico entre ellos.
Según crecían en número, crecía el volumen de sus susurros y la frecuencia de sus ideas. A tan promiscua edad, Dante y Hess ya tenían un lugar en mi café y entre todos me insertaron”la semilla de la locura”. Los años pasaron, el número de residentes aumento y la semilla creció y se transformo.
A los 9 años de edad, mi ahora, planta de la locura, inspiraba de ideas mas profundas, líricas, narrativa, filantrópicas, filosóficas e imaginativas. Su griterío iba en aumento. El zumbido característico era ensordecedor. En una clase matutina de la hora de matemáticas descubrí el remedio para acallar tal bullicio creativo: transcribir las voces de los Tertulianos.
Al principio disfrute en gran mesura el compartir nuestras ideas. Conforme pasaba el tiempo me di cuenta de que el trabajo de las laboriosas hormigas creativas. Era continuo, no tenían consideración por el lugar donde me encontraba, ni la hora que era. Desde entonces me convertí en ermitaño, el papel, mi hogar; viajaba conmigo fuera a donde fuese; y el arte de combinar se volvió mi adicción.
23/9/08
A wolfs lonely howl
Lost in the void, trapped in my own solitude
Awaiting Creation to reveal its’ plan
Awaiting a new day, a new scenery
Summer has ended and nothing has been done.
‘I would’ve loved to have finished that’
‘I would’ve loved to have loved’
‘I would’ve loved to have known’
My own icy heart has started to melt
I remain disorientated in reality, because of a vision,
A mirage of a feeling, an illusion
A proverb of somewhat matter
Something has made me falter,
I do not question, but doubt of her existence
If only she were meant to be
An imaginable, exquisite but non-existing dream.
As the days go by, my courage sums up
To begin to see what is this creature
If the choice has been made, make cautious pace
In order to reveal this angels true features
A fracture, incited
On the stone walls of my gritty fortress
Feelings, asided
As if I never minded, for what more.
Alas she passes by me,
For a second, my heart has frozen in passion
God has heard my plea
For she comes toward me in an elegant fashion
My silver tongue moves away
Exposing delicately who I am
Allowing her harpoon to fiercely plunge deeply
deep into the castle
Over the moat, across the courtyard,
through the kingly dragon, guarding my heart,
Devastating all human emotion,
Grasping and ploughing at my soul
A menacing alley cat with a venomous heart
Spearing the pureness of my existence
I condemn that strong illusion
that once had me for a fool,
Turn back again to the shadow
The darkness that was once safe
Again, my heart has turned to stone
A gem that has died out to many times
Feeling warmth as a thin beacon of artificial light
Returning to an old sentiment
A false feeling of safety,
An emotion too common for myself
Allowing my heart to blues out loud
In the corner of my living room
‘I feel so alone in my own home!’
21/9/08
Esta Noche te Recuerda
Esta noche te recuerda, y no me deja olvidar. Los recuerdos continúan presentándose, haciendo que me dé cuenta del horrifico hecho de que estoy superado en numero, y no tengo ninguna oportunidad.
Me someto al impetuoso viento del universo fatalista que acomete contra my corazón, mientras los recuerdos me inundan, sumergiéndome en un mar de amor, que una vez llame hogar, pero me veía obligado a rescatarme cuando las olas de una felicidad pasada comenzaron a ahogarme.
Iba a darme por vencido. No, no lo iba a hacer. Desearía ser lo suficientemente débil. Solo quería que el dolor cediera. Y lo hizo. Después de tres meses. Después de tres meses llorándome hasta dormir. Convenciéndome cada noche de que esto era el final. Tres meses de dolor, que no era posible empeorar, aunque sin embargo siempre lo lograba. Tres meses de pensar que te había superado, seguido de una vida sabiéndolo. Excepto esta
noche. Esta noche te recuerda a ti.
Esta noche todas las estrellas del cielo encuentran su posición exacta durante la noche en que te dije que quería pasar el resto de mi vida contigo.
Abro los ojos para encontrar el cielo explotando vivamente con colores patrióticos. Es el cuatro de Julio y observamos los fuegos ratifícales, relajados en un valle frondoso. Es difícil contemplar tan magnifico escenario cuando al idiota de tu novio se le ha olvidado traer una manta, y la temperatura esta bajando. Pero nos la apañamos.
Antes de que pueda decirte que quiero pasar el resto de mi vida contigo, abro los ojos y me encuentro en un taxi. Estas sentado a mi izquierda al lado de tu madre. Aquí es donde compartimos el beso perfecto, en el asiento de atrás de un taxi en Nueva York. Tenias la cabeza apoyada sobre mi hombro y la levantaste suavemente para besarme, como sueles hacer…solías hacer.
Antes de que la electricidad pueda saltar de nuestros corazones, recorrer nuestras medulas, cruzando nuestros labios y nublar nuestra mente; abro los ojos para encontrarnos acurrucados en un sofá. Estamos en casa del General. El VHS del casting original de ‘Cats’ esta en la tele, y los dos estamos desnudos. Completamente desnudos. Recuerdos. Me acerco a besar tu hombro. Antes de que pueda saborear la piel mas dulce que jamás he probado, abro los ojos, para encontrarte tarareando ‘Alguien a quien contemplar’ sobre mi.
Es la recepción nupcial de tus padres y mi decimoséptimo cumpleaños. Voy con un esmoquin rosa, que mi padre llevo en su boda, mientras que tu vistes un fino vestido color salmón con el brazal de dama de honor, y ya esta. No puedo apartar la vista de ti. No pude en toda la ceremonia. Tampoco pudo decirme, el General que no me di cuenta cuando intentó sonreírme durante la ceremonia, porque abro los ojos.
Me encuentro en mi cama, agarrando mi móvil, con lágrimas derramándose sobre mis mejillas como lluvia torrencial sobre una hoja. Te pido otra oportunidad, aunque no tengo ni idea de lo que paso con la primera. Antes de que te pongas a llorar por una vieja canción italiana que comienzo a cantar. Abro los ojos, para encontrarme llorando sobre el hombro de un amigo, durante la fiesta de inicio de curso. Antes de que pueda preguntar ’por qué’, abro los ojos y encuentro que no puedo moverme.
Estoy en el colegio durante el baile de graduación, de pie, justo delante de una escocesa y estoy completamente paralizado.
Y antes de que pueda abrir la boca, abro los ojos, para encontrarme en un club nocturno en Los Ángeles. Estoy en el suelo, arrodillado sobre una mesa a la altura de mis rodillas escribiendo recuerdos en páginas en blanco de una revista que se publicaría esa noche. La música penetra el aire mientras la gente grita a pleno pulmón y las cámaras destellan.
Y antes de que pueda preguntarme ’¿qué demonios estoy haciendo?’…abro los ojos.
18/9/08
The How of Christmas
The wind whistled through the midnight air as the weeping willows swayed back and forth dancing to the song of the winter breeze.
A small boy walked passed the tress and up the coble stone steps that led to the long passage way. He seemed sure of where he was going, although the place itself was greatly bizarre.
Marble pillars, sustaining nothing at all, enhanced the road that followed the entrance.
The wind billowed through the surrounding flora, winding in and out of the columns beside the road, brushing the young boy’s as he strolled along.
On the next rush of chilled air came a crow that came to perch himself upon the child’s shoulder. A slight smile ripped across his lips, as his fixed eyes twinkled under the moonlight. He came to a halt half way through never-ending hallway.
He faced his right. In front, there was a pillar with a number engraved into the stone. Number twenty four, shone above the limestone capital, in roman numerals.
The boy retrieved from within his pocket a silver disc, and offered it to the crow. At this, the leather vested bird shifted in place, as his tail went stiff, adopting the dented shape of a key.
The boy made use of the newly obtained object to open the door to reveal wrapped in darkness…a slide. The sleek black bird awoke from its transfixed state and regained its original form, taking flight in the instant. ‘Thank you’ whispered the boy as it disappeared into the shadow of the moon.
The boy stepped inside the empty space and took a seat on the slide. He breathed deeply, awaiting seriously. It was the same, just like every year. Routine, I guess you could call it, but it was his purpose in life, and he knew it too.
A clock tower, in the darkness, struck midnight, ricocheting the chime of the bells off the pillars and into the sky. A wide smile was sketched across his face. Year after year he took he sat on this slide awaiting midnight.
Routine, nevertheless but he enjoyed every moment of it. He existed for this moment. Without him, joy would be absent from the world, for he was the Christmas spirit.
Tonight he would take a short journey to visit the Earth plane, and pass among us mortals in order to enlighten us. For tonight it was Christmas
On the Dark Side of the Moon
Nightfall has risen over the sky. The only cover for those who seek comfort in lifes’ despairs.
I gaze out of the window feeling the melancholy breeze, in search of that which I have lost. Becoming a battery-kind-of-person. My bipolar attitude freakishly automatically tunes into frequencies that might have passed by my subconscious unless in this state.
A refreshing latin jazz melody, or a sorrowful blues tunes in and nostalgia sweeps me off towards a suicidal astral travel. Searching for the longing memory of a feeling of warmth that has recently been recklessly taken away.
This, of course, is the negative side of our bipolarity. Our sadomasochistic playful and positive side is next.
As some take pride in head banging the air they acknowledge strength of spirit that has always been achieved by Hardcore, Heavy and Hair Metal Bands. The force of this powerful music overcomes our demised feelings, grasping our remaining soul. Turning grief into anger, weakness into energy, solitude into happiness....You scream at the top of your lungs ‘RAGE!!’ Letting go...
Music. By far, is the animal who rules the Night. A predator that knows now rival. Capable of adaptability, dynamic and is an All-Knower of everyones' most secret flaws and weaknesses. Creating puns out of emotions, as it pleases; craving for feelings to feed its' needs.
‘Take me too the moon and let me play among the stars’...let me dream a little more with that fantasy that I once had. Why was it taken away from me? What went wrong?
Just five more minutes.
Fine, I won't ask why. Let me enjoy that strange feeling you once allowed me to feel. The tingling of my finger tips as I ran them through your hair. A rush of fresh air lifting my body from Earths' firm grasp.
No, please, just one more minute!! One second!! One last time!!
I beg an encore from that magical orchestra that filled my ears, keeping them ringing. Another symphony, to play upon my heart. Please, an Allegro, to make me feel alive. Or at least an Adagio to make me remember what you once felt for me.
A final kiss before the curtain closes...
Till' then, I shall recall the melody of love in the shadow of the night. Like a lonesome alley cat who seeks nothing but to live his life to the fullest, and await my beloved orchestra to return for a private concert someday.
...No one knows until 'the fat lady sings’